The Lions beat up an embarrassing excuse for an NFL team, the Vikings squeaked out a win against an average team and the Bears were the embarrassing excuse for an NFL team. Wake me when something new happens. 

Lions and Bears

The Lions took care of business in a 34-17 win over the Bears. 

Game Notes

• I was writing the bullets in my head about how the Lions won but their defense was bad again. I calculated how many points they had given up in the last several weeks. Asking how many defensive players you can lose and still be a contender. And then the Bears didn't score in the second half. Of course. 
• Keenan Allen had the longest TD of his career in the first half (45 yards, lol) and Caleb Williams was making some throws. It just didn't work in the second half. Williams still finished with 334 yards and two TDs. Odunze and DJ Moore were both involved. When you're the Bears playing a rabbit-foot team, it just doesn't matter. Oh, and it was definitely a D'Andre Slow day - 9 carries for 20 yards. Gross.  
• The Lions, who set their franchise record for wins in a season, did mostly whatever they wanted on offense. Goff had 336 yards and three TDs on 10.5 YPA. Jameson Williams had an 82-yard tud (do we still say tud?). Jahmyr Gibbs had over 150 total yards. Even fantasy disappointment of the century Sam LaPorta got in on the action with a TD. To rub it in, the LaPorta touchdown came on a fake stumble play-action pass that the Lions put in because last year Jordan Love hit a big pass against the Bears on an actual stumble.  When do we start the prayer circle for the Patriots to hire Ben Johnson? Can we make a gofundme? 
• Thought it was worth noting that with David Montgomery out (probably for the season pending a deer-antler spray purchase from his fourth doctor or whatever), Craig Reynolds and Jermar Jefferson got carries over our favorite, Sione Vaki. Vaki did have two catches for 20 yards. 
• No one on the Bears defense did anything worth noting. 

Vikings

One week after the Packers wiped the floor with the Seachickens, it took a last-minute touchdown from Justin Jefferson for the Vikings to prevail, 27-24.

Game Notes

• Sure every game is different in the NFL and Geno Smith was healthy for all of this one but why not talk about how the Packers embarrassed the Seahawks in Seattle and the Vikings just barely beat them? Unfortunately, while the Seahawks did put up 24 points, no one on their offense played particularly well outside maybe JSN who had 95 yards and a TD. Geno had two picks, Kenneth Walker managed just 3.9 YPC, DK Metcalf had just 57 yards on seven targets, etc.
• The Vikings didn't really have that problem on offense. Darnold had 246 yards and three TDs with no picks. Justin Jefferson had 144 yards and two TDs. Although, it should be concerning that Aaron Jones had just 67 yards on 18 carries. Josh Jacobs made that defense look like a high school team in the first quarter last week and this is the time of year that Aaron Jones sometimes gets beat up a little. 
• It certainly seems like the NFC is going to come down to one of the three professional NFC North teams. Hard to not be confident right now as a Packers fan. Each of the three teams has a good defense and a great offense built around making it easy for the QB and a run game. By almost any measure, the Packers' defense has surpassed the Vikings' and the Lions' is at like 30% capacity. Meanwhile, the Packers may be the only one of the three teams with a QB who can consistently create on his own if the offense otherwise fails (to be honest I'll take the Packers' weapons at this point, too). I know I'm getting a little ahead of myself here, but all year we've waited for the Lions or the Vikings to stumble and it hasn't happened. At some point, everyone will realize that the emperors have no clothes. Sadly, with the coaching and talent that these two teams have, it could be us. We could be naked right now. Let's end it on that.